Today’s the day, Alec Baldwin!
Are you so excited?! I was looking at your instagram this morning and it appears that you guys are in Spain, but I’m sure that’s just a pre-scheduled posting to throw off the paparazzi. Very smart, sir.
So since this is your first Shenanigans party, I wanted to give you a heads up about some of the ground rules for tonight:
- Shoes – We already talked about this, but I just want to reiterate: THEY STAY ON.
- Small Talk – Everyone has to do this – it’s required. My friends are good at it for the most part, so you shouldn’t worry if you freeze up. However, in the event that you do, I’ve compiled some solid go-to topics you should maybe write down on a note card or something:
- How pretty my dress is (delivered this morning!). Note: You don’t have to talk to me about this, Alec Baldwin. You can talk to anyone.
- Whether you prefer my hair wavy or straight. (I went wavy today, but if you don’t like it, Clint will be there and he can probably do a quick blowout.)
- How attractive and interesting all of my friends are. For example, I think Harry is very handsome… Allie and Aaron both made big career shifts recently… Sarah’s applying for grad schools… I mean there’s really so much fodder here.
- How much you regret that horrible corn-licking video.
- And Jennifer would like to talk to you about the price of cheese at Zabar’s. Apparently it’s gotten completely out of control. (She’s wondering if maybe that’s why you were yelling at the checkout girl the last time she saw you there?)
- Cooking – We all participate in making something we can eat. Even YOU, Alec Baldwin. I know, you probably have people who do that kind of thing for you, but you’re pitching in tonight. Don’t stress about it though – I will provide recipes, and they will be easy ones.
- Crafts – No one is required to do crafts. But God help you if you heckle those who choose to. CRAFTS ARE FUN, ALEC BALDWIN. NO MATTER HOW FANCY YOU ARE.
Okay, I’ve got a crapton of stuff to do, and I’m sure you need to start getting ready.